So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
