My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
