i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
