After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
When are your genitals available?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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