i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
