Plan B is the new Plan A
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
