Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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