So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
