I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
