he was CRYING into my vagina
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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