I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Randomize
