3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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