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We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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