he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You were trust falling into bushes
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
