Define "chronic" masturbator.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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