part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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