Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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