I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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