i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
