how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
