I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
