i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
