no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
