can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
