enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
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