I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
