first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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