So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
