this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
