Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
