Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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