there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Come on in and take your pants off
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