worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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