Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
