I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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