just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
