his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
