That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
