Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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