She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
