I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You pole danced in your parka.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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