Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
