he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
