Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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