The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
