there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
