I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
