two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
