Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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