yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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