.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
