I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
