Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Randomize
