On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
