I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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